If you would have asked me only a couple of weeks ago whether I thought it was appropriate to give gifts to the sibling(s) of the birthday child I would have said "no way!" I always thought this was such a silly thing. Surely, I thought, kids could manage adequately, even successfully, to be happy for their siblings on their birthday. These were my thoughts until Leo had his 3rd birthday on Monday.
Aidan was deeply bothered that Leo would get presents, receive special attention and treatment all day on his birthday. I tried to reason with Aidan and tell him that on his birthday Leo would not receive any presents either. We even talked about how Leo's birthday was a day to celebrate Leo and be thankful that he was born and that he was a great little brother who loved Aidan and looked up to him and wanted to do everything that Aidan did. As much as Aidan new all that was true he couldn't get past that Leo would get all of these special presents and attention and Aidan would not. Aidan asked days before if he could use the money that he saved to buy something special for himself on the day of Leo's birthday. (He already bought Leo a special birthday present).
I thought about this for a while. Was Aidan capable of understanding or learning a lesson that sometimes it's not always about us or that sometimes we have to think of other people first and watching other people happy is what makes us happy? Giving is better than receiving and giving a gift that you are excited to give and that you know the other person will love is more fun and important than getting gifts? Or at this age is he really incapable of learning that lesson? Watching Aidan for a week worrying (maybe that is too much of an exaggeration maybe just preoccupied) with Leo's birthday changed my mind. I let Aidan spend his own money on Leo's birthday and buy something special for himself. Do you know what Aidan wanted as well? He wanted me to buy something for Leo too because he didn't want Leo to feel left out or not have something special.
This whole experience has changed my mind about buying gifts for siblings on the birthday child's special day. I don't think it is good idea for other people to buy gifts for the siblings but I do think it is not a bad idea for parents to have something special for all their children on a child's birthday. Of course this does not last forever but 5, 6, or 7 is probably about right but I guess I will have to wait and see.
So that is what I learned over the last week or two.
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